This being an account of yesterday and today.

Monday
Wish you were here

Now who YOU are I'm not sure, but I hope you're out there. Someone to share a soul with. Perhaps not in this lifetime or the next but eventually. So this is my love message to you.....GET.ON.YOUR.WAY.RIGHT.NOW.

Now what happened yesterday...hmmm...

This is an obsession, perhaps I just a need to fill some sort of void in my life thus I take on some sort of project. Which usually involves me spending a shitload of money on the aforementioned obsession. So yes I went shopping online (the credit card, ever since I got it has been the bane of my existence). Not that I'm knee deep in debt it's just that it's so easy to buy stuff. So technically I have the possibility to be knee deep in debt. However, all thoughts about future life savings aside, I am now the proud owner of two more Incubus CDs and both of Brandon Boyds art books/journals. I am well stoked, as Kat from LA Ink would say. As well as well broke. Ah well.

Good thing though, these obsessions have posed some sort of learning curve for me though it's one of those things in life where you have to realize it as one...hmmm...I'm BRILLIANT I know =P. Sometimes it's little things like how to handle online purchases (I was buying & selling things online even before I had my own credit card, talk about contributing to the world economy) to stuff like how to deal with people, anticipating what people want and customer service. For someone with an ego problem like me perhaps thats the toughest job ever.

I'm in the design industry, it isn't much better but despite all it's superficialities and downfalls, there's always the potential of job satisfaction and possibility of self progression. It's something that I enjoy doing. Weather it leads somewhere or nowhere. I vow to do what I enjoy and feel right doing. It's my self preservation tactic. Yeah I have a plan. I think, don't I?

I plan to write like this (I use the term write instead of type cause it seems more personal) like I'm talking to a friend or talking to myself and also I'm currently reading Eat Pray Love by Elizabeth Gilbert, I like her, alot, enamored by her in fact. So there, I explained it as if i need to. =)

Random Quote: I will allow someone to love me. Thats a good line. I like it.

Random Thought: Writing is hard for me, but I want to write. How does that work?



Tuesday
Look Alive

I found out today that the Lucasfilm workshop is actually an internship program for practicing CG artists. Talk about major splash of cold water. I'm not even in that course yet and already they're looking for ppl. Wait for me~! Suppose it's to be expected, they wouldn't do something this big for free. I told you I was smart =P.

Words can't describe how I overflow with what seems like love whenever I listen to Incubus. It's a pleasant little ache in the center of my chest which I hope never goes away everytime I discover an amazing lyric or insane guitar riff, ridiculous bass and mad drums. Their synergy is so tight it seems effortless, which is always a sign of greatness.

I do know one ache I would like to get rid of. Fear. Everyday I can't let go of the fear that I am not good enough. Every new job, every new assignment every new freelance or offer to design I worry I'm not good enough. I wish I could just put things down and not worry so much about how my work will be received. I want to just jump in and close my eyes, drift away on whatever creative wave that carries me and never look back.