Designing is hard for me nowadays. Is this a syndrome whereby average designers go thru a series of emotion that can only be described as manic depressive only to settle perpetually in the depressive state?
I don't want to be an average designer, just producing things other people want. I want to do my own things if only I'd stop self censoring my own stuff as much or sometimes more than the clients or other people do.
And there's always the fear that there are no ideas in my head.
Sunday, December 17, 2006
Thursday, December 14, 2006
Monday, August 07, 2006
Back to square one?
Well it's back to the daily grind of unemplyment. Fantastic, not that I'm not looking forward to it just can't help beating myself up over the gullible way in which I have conducted myself. 6 months, maybe seven, most of them dream shattering and jaded months, full of deception and deceit and if possible, shattering my self esteem and belief in my works even further.
Makes you want to puke over the overdramatic verbal verbalness? Well believe it or not, that's exactly how I feel.
And already because of my overcautious nature I'm afraid of what the next job might be like, if I can get one. I love design though some of the people in the industry need to develop a concience and a need for quality.
I do wonder how long I will be designing. Not too long ago, there was a talk conducted at Galleriizzu. The topic of survival within the design industry in Malaysia was brought up by San Yen one of the founders of If interactive. The lifespan of most young Malaysian designers apparently is not looking too good. And from a discussion I've had recently not many designers survive as mainly designers beyond 30 years of age.
Why that is, varies for everyone of course but for me, the main reason why i might stop design is because of a severe lack of belief in my works and lack of variety. I love dabbling in different disciplines of design and beyond (if I live long enough). The tactile nature of cloth or paper, the tangible rough textures on a piece of sculpture or pottery or any other material, the versatility of multimedia, the composition of light and dark, the arrangement of colours to create a mood, a whole; the quirky ideas that come out in the form of illustration. There's so much yet to explore and discover that right now it's really hard to even think of giving up design completely. Though, I'm a realist and can't disregard the very plausible idea of giving up. Unfortunately I'm a hopeful realist and still have that little bit of hope. Cause it'd be a sad thing if I stopped hoping.
If I forget to eat and sleep and pray, blame it on my youth. - Jamie Cullum
Makes you want to puke over the overdramatic verbal verbalness? Well believe it or not, that's exactly how I feel.
And already because of my overcautious nature I'm afraid of what the next job might be like, if I can get one. I love design though some of the people in the industry need to develop a concience and a need for quality.
I do wonder how long I will be designing. Not too long ago, there was a talk conducted at Galleriizzu. The topic of survival within the design industry in Malaysia was brought up by San Yen one of the founders of If interactive. The lifespan of most young Malaysian designers apparently is not looking too good. And from a discussion I've had recently not many designers survive as mainly designers beyond 30 years of age.
Why that is, varies for everyone of course but for me, the main reason why i might stop design is because of a severe lack of belief in my works and lack of variety. I love dabbling in different disciplines of design and beyond (if I live long enough). The tactile nature of cloth or paper, the tangible rough textures on a piece of sculpture or pottery or any other material, the versatility of multimedia, the composition of light and dark, the arrangement of colours to create a mood, a whole; the quirky ideas that come out in the form of illustration. There's so much yet to explore and discover that right now it's really hard to even think of giving up design completely. Though, I'm a realist and can't disregard the very plausible idea of giving up. Unfortunately I'm a hopeful realist and still have that little bit of hope. Cause it'd be a sad thing if I stopped hoping.
If I forget to eat and sleep and pray, blame it on my youth. - Jamie Cullum
Thursday, July 13, 2006
taken for a ride
I can't believe ANYONE would believe that anyone, no matter how low their standards, would accept THAT kind of quality, even if it was a friend. That is just outright taking advantage and how can a person who so outrightly takes advantage of you be a friend?
what makes a good design?
Is it the lack of self censorship, the ability to let go?
Is it the ability to follow a grid and make things look good or is it disregarding the grid alltogether and going with your gut?
How long will my lifespan as a designer last before it's all sucked out of me?
How much of me crashing and burning is my fault and how much of it is the crap ppl I come across?
I will not always have this standard. I don't always want to be at this level. So how will I improve? by myself with self-concorship running rife im my head. Everytime a new idea comes up it pound and pounds it back down. Dammit.
what makes a good design?
Is it the lack of self censorship, the ability to let go?
Is it the ability to follow a grid and make things look good or is it disregarding the grid alltogether and going with your gut?
How long will my lifespan as a designer last before it's all sucked out of me?
How much of me crashing and burning is my fault and how much of it is the crap ppl I come across?
I will not always have this standard. I don't always want to be at this level. So how will I improve? by myself with self-concorship running rife im my head. Everytime a new idea comes up it pound and pounds it back down. Dammit.
Sunday, June 04, 2006
Stupid
If your chinese(and other assorted dialect) speaking friends (in the loosest sense of the word) and English speaking co-workers think you're stupid does it mean that you are?
Can they define who you are and do they? Can you change that perception?
With my little understanding of the influence people have, especially the charismatic ones, over the people they come across, I realize they can. Socially at least. You find out that charisma isn't always given to the ones who most deserve it nor the ones who will use it, to your definition, of well. You feel you're on the loosing end. If you don't suck up to them or buck up and be smart. They can ruin your reputation with just one sentence, word or even look.
It's true, you can shape who you are in words and present it to the world. Distorted or otherwise, the options for chameleon like change of colours in your personality are limitless. You also find out, you can be limitless. Then where do you begin and this apparently fictitious character ends? Or was it a part of you all along. Just another aspect of what makes you YOU?
Understanding their point of view helps only a little and then you realize it's so superficial. You present that superficiality to the world and the world presents it's own to you. It's definitely true you can never know everything about a person. And knowing the incapabilities, incompatibilities and loopholes within a language and the different ways we communicate and misscommunicate, I'm in awe that we can connect at all. Yet there are unspoken comradreries between two likeminded people. Not gained through so many words but the knowledge that they are similar.
It's frustrating that when you don't connect to a wavelength you're considered stupid. They'll assume you're the lowest demonination of the word. And when asked for opinions or maybe some advice on a particular topic you think they're well versed in, retell one that's been repeated hundreds of times, in turn, revealing their banal thought process and yes, stupidity. Yet life goes on. You learn to be smarter, you learn to deal. It's nothing personal, it's just the way it is.
You realise it's no point taking things personally, because most of the time it isn't, even things like gossip are technical things. It becomes a game and you wonder how people can live like this. True, you can't please everybody and even with people of similar mindsets, there are falling outs. Not every aspect of your personality can be pleasing to the other.
You can't fathom anything from first meetings or initial conversations, but it doesn't stop people from trying.
I am cynical. Yes I am.
The length and depth of the word, the tone of delivery, the cultural history behind the word, even the positioning of a word. It DOES matter.
Can they define who you are and do they? Can you change that perception?
With my little understanding of the influence people have, especially the charismatic ones, over the people they come across, I realize they can. Socially at least. You find out that charisma isn't always given to the ones who most deserve it nor the ones who will use it, to your definition, of well. You feel you're on the loosing end. If you don't suck up to them or buck up and be smart. They can ruin your reputation with just one sentence, word or even look.
It's true, you can shape who you are in words and present it to the world. Distorted or otherwise, the options for chameleon like change of colours in your personality are limitless. You also find out, you can be limitless. Then where do you begin and this apparently fictitious character ends? Or was it a part of you all along. Just another aspect of what makes you YOU?
Understanding their point of view helps only a little and then you realize it's so superficial. You present that superficiality to the world and the world presents it's own to you. It's definitely true you can never know everything about a person. And knowing the incapabilities, incompatibilities and loopholes within a language and the different ways we communicate and misscommunicate, I'm in awe that we can connect at all. Yet there are unspoken comradreries between two likeminded people. Not gained through so many words but the knowledge that they are similar.
It's frustrating that when you don't connect to a wavelength you're considered stupid. They'll assume you're the lowest demonination of the word. And when asked for opinions or maybe some advice on a particular topic you think they're well versed in, retell one that's been repeated hundreds of times, in turn, revealing their banal thought process and yes, stupidity. Yet life goes on. You learn to be smarter, you learn to deal. It's nothing personal, it's just the way it is.
You realise it's no point taking things personally, because most of the time it isn't, even things like gossip are technical things. It becomes a game and you wonder how people can live like this. True, you can't please everybody and even with people of similar mindsets, there are falling outs. Not every aspect of your personality can be pleasing to the other.
You can't fathom anything from first meetings or initial conversations, but it doesn't stop people from trying.
I am cynical. Yes I am.
The length and depth of the word, the tone of delivery, the cultural history behind the word, even the positioning of a word. It DOES matter.
Friday, May 19, 2006
Leggo my logo!
It's *looks at the time* 3:55 AM, Malaysian time and I find myself searching the net for what is defined as a 'middle-class' logo. Right. I enjoy creating logos but the thinking process can be a bitch sometimes. And I'm SLOW. It doesn't help that the logos I keep coming up with are ridiculously complicated. And the briefs! Oh the briefs I'm given!
SMS from boss: Please create two logos for me one is something to do with trains, central station and the other a hainanese boy. Kthx!
I suppose people have managed on less right? right? right?!
Logo’s can be the most rewarding things to design. The ability to summarize a whole concept of the business, income group, age group, location, history, direction all in one image is pretty cool when you manage to find ‘it’. A picture is indeed worth a thousand words.
What I’ve learnt is that a logo should be easily identifiable, simple (not a hard and fast rule this one), relatable and relevant to the company that might be hiring you. Basic stuff right?
The problem is, for someone who’s so used to having a clear idea of what I want and almost complete freedom when creating back in school, I’m quickly finding out that trying to pinpoint a client’s needs and wants for their image is like trying to catch a wiggling electric eel in the depths of aquaria! Very unpleasant.
Yes, yes I know, we should adapt. Yes, we should keep our identity. Yes, we should be chameleons. Yes, we should be flexible and diversify. Yes, we should find our own style. Do you see where this is going? Cause I sure as hell don’t.
Still, for now at least, I understand it's not a good thing being too set in my style especially when the jobs are so diverse. I still need to learn about flexibility at work and to rely less on moods and not get too attached to my work. At the same time be proud of the work I put out. It seems like a perpetual juggling act between work and aesthetics. And it seems like most businesses aren’t giving in.
SMS from boss: Please create two logos for me one is something to do with trains, central station and the other a hainanese boy. Kthx!
I suppose people have managed on less right? right? right?!
Logo’s can be the most rewarding things to design. The ability to summarize a whole concept of the business, income group, age group, location, history, direction all in one image is pretty cool when you manage to find ‘it’. A picture is indeed worth a thousand words.
What I’ve learnt is that a logo should be easily identifiable, simple (not a hard and fast rule this one), relatable and relevant to the company that might be hiring you. Basic stuff right?
The problem is, for someone who’s so used to having a clear idea of what I want and almost complete freedom when creating back in school, I’m quickly finding out that trying to pinpoint a client’s needs and wants for their image is like trying to catch a wiggling electric eel in the depths of aquaria! Very unpleasant.
Yes, yes I know, we should adapt. Yes, we should keep our identity. Yes, we should be chameleons. Yes, we should be flexible and diversify. Yes, we should find our own style. Do you see where this is going? Cause I sure as hell don’t.
Still, for now at least, I understand it's not a good thing being too set in my style especially when the jobs are so diverse. I still need to learn about flexibility at work and to rely less on moods and not get too attached to my work. At the same time be proud of the work I put out. It seems like a perpetual juggling act between work and aesthetics. And it seems like most businesses aren’t giving in.
Monday, May 15, 2006
the initial post
right. what am i feeling now? aside from me not feeling like using capital letters in this post. i'm feeling okaylah. i wanna write, type, draw, illustrator-ate, use any sort of medium to express whatever little thoughts i might have an a day-to-day basis. i've blogged before on lj and geocities(my ex sort-of-blog) those didn't work out long term, so no idea when this will last. we'll see.
*just a thought: should i keep writing as if somebody is going to read this?
*just a thought: should i keep writing as if somebody is going to read this?
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