I felt completely sucky today. The most ill at ease with myself in a long while. I've always compared myself with other people, a habit I developed perhaps from not feeling like I "belonged" anywhere and being pitted against other kids at school, but thats life. The only time I ever felt good about being anywhere perhaps was in art school. Now all the feelings of insecurity and social inability comes back to haunt me. Thus I get angry, the worst part of it being that I let it out on the people that matters most, my family.
Then I re-discovered a great blog from a really amazing artist. Jason Mraz just seems to practice gratitude everyday, he sings about it and practically lives it. Reading his posts on gratitude just resonated with me. It always calms me down, clears my head a little and makes me go "yeah, that's true, I can do something about this".
I haven't been particularly grateful. Not the type of grateful your parents guilt trip you into by saying things like "I brought you into this world and I can take you out" or something to the effect of "I walked 10 miles in the snow to bring you into this world" (the feel is along those lines, we live in a tropical country btw) but real gratitude. The type that makes you realize you're lucky to have parents to nag at you or a sibling to share things with and roll your eyes at (or with). Also, I am grateful that I have a talent that I want to keep honing and perfecting, something that I am able to still work at.
Learn to be grateful and open towards the experiences received and someday, maybe I'll even be grateful for everything that has happened and is happening, in my life.
Gratitude needs practice.
So this is a note to myself to try to practice gratitude, whenever I can think clearly. It may lower my blood pressure. Or else continue to keep visiting sites like freshnessfactorfivethousand or this one: GratitudeLog. Perhaps we all need a little help from time to time in the gratitude department.
Quote from a smart dude: "If you have built castles in the air, your work need not be lost; that is where they should be. Now put the foundations under them."
- Henry David Thoreau
- Henry David Thoreau
Love this song: Deb Talan of the Weepies - How Will He Find Me
*Edit : Another good quote: The essence of all beautiful art, all great art, is gratitude.
Friedrich Nietzsche (just got it from my quote of the day panel)